HORN BEAKERS DISCOVERED
BY US AGENCY
MEMPHIS TN. Friday, April 15, 2005. Two US Fish and Wildlife employees are credited with foiling a plot to import six antique horn beakers into Western Massachusetts. Shortly after midnight on Friday morning Bob "Serpico" Noseworthy and Fred "The Professor" Hickey found the six early drinking cups listed in the import manifest of a small antiques shop in Conway, Massachusetts. The cups, approximately six inches in height, were made about two centuries ago, for use as drinking vessels in Scottish country homes.
"One line on the manifest caught my eye," said Mr. Noseworthy in an exclusive interview. "It said 'antique drinking cup, ox horn, made around 1800'. Then I looked down the list, and darned if I didn't discover five more!"
Sensing that something was amiss, Mr. Noseworthy called to his colleague, "Hey, Fred, what's ox?"
Mr. Hickey, living up to his reputation for quick analysis, answered, "It's like a cow."
The rest is history.
The two Federal agents impounded the offending crates and slapped them with stickers labeled "CAGE," in which they sat until Wednesday evening, April 20th at 10:22, when it was decided that the six beakers did not constitute a major threat to either the national economy or the American beef herd.
When asked for comment, Jan and John Maggs, the Conway, Massachusetts dealers whose shipment arrived safely on Thursday morning after this one-week delay, said, "It makes us feel safe to be in the hands of such capable government employees."
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