Jan and John Maggs Antiques

Mr. Jones

We were recently poring over some documents from past trips to Europe when we found an interesting sheet of paper covered with notes scribbled in a rest area on the Massachusetts Turnpike several years ago. It was a Tuesday, and we were returning home from a buying trip in England. Since our shipment had been sent by FedEx the preceding Friday, and we anticipated delivery around noon, were a bit dismayed to have a message on our Conway voice mail from "Mr. Jones".

Mr. Jones was an import agent for FedEx, and it was his job to be our liaison with U.S. Customs and Immigration, the U.S. Department of Fish and Wildlife, and other more ominous federal bureaus we’d rather not even think about. At that moment, it seemed that Customs officials had some questions, and Mr. Jones was responsible for answering them. Unfortunately, Mr. Jones was having difficulty understanding what a few things were.

Some of our conversation can be reconstructed from our scribbled notes:

Mr. Jones: Line 14 says “Delft tile.” What’s that?

John Maggs: Delft is a city in Holland, where the tiles were made.

MJ: Okay. (pause); but what’s a tile?

JM: A rectangular, ceramic, uh, well, tile. Does that help?

MJ. Not really.

JM: Like ceramic tiles around the bathtub.

MJ. Oh. (rustling of paper) OK.  .  .  .  .  .  So what’s this “pewter charger” on line 23?

JM: Oh, that’s easier. “Charger” is just another name for a large plate.

MJ: Alright .  .  .  .  .  .

JM: (nearly audible sigh of relief)

MJ: But what’s “pewter?”

JM: It’s a metal alloy, usually of tin and antimony.

MJ: (noisy breathing) .  .  .  .  What’s it mostly?

JM: To be completely honest, it’s mostly, well, pewter.

This went on for nearly a half hour. Fortunately, before our phone battery expired, we had satisfactorily answered Mr. Jones’ questions. Our shipment was released, and we received it in Conway only one day later than expected.

We’ve since determined that some of this was our fault. Our shippers have always asked us for a manifest, listing each item we’re importing and describing it in terms of date of manufacture, country of origin, and age. In those days, we were scrupulous, describing each item as we would to the person purchasing it.

Now, in modern, 21st century style, we dumb everything down. Delft tiles have become “ceramic tile, ceramic, Holland, 1680,” and pewter charger has morphed into “large plate, metal, English, 1700". Challenging details have been replaced by “wood”, “metal”, “ceramic”, and “glass”. And when in doubt, it’s probably made in England!

So far it’s working.
 

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